Photography by KJ

Frozen In Time

The Love of my Life

It was just like any other Tuesday.

My husband, Jacob, and I woke up, got ready for work, and spent at least five minute just hugging and kissing each other saying how much we couldn’t wait to see each other again, and all of the “I love you so, so, so much,” and the “I love you so, so, so much MOAR.”

That was the day my life fell apart. The day that my soulmate passed away without warning. 

While I’m taking a temporary step back from social media and while my heart is in shreds, I wanted to share some of the unique things about Jacob’s love and our quirky relationship to brighten the world in this dark time.

  • Jacob and I made a decision very shortly after we started dating to never speak badly about the other, whether the person was present or not. We had read an article (which unfortunately I’m not sure where we found it) that stated something along the lines of if you speak negatively about your spouse-regardless of if they ever know about it- that will only sow seeds of discord in your own heart and thoughts towards the other, while making you more aware of their flaws. In contrast, if you speak positively and lovingly about your spouse “behind their back,” it strengthens your love towards them, and helps you be even more aware of just how incredible and perfect for you they are.
  • We also didn’t speak anything derogatory of the other, whether in jest, nicknames, etc. We as humans have so much emotional and mental baggage as it is, and see enough hate speech and negativity on a daily basis. We decided that we wanted to be each other’s biggest supporter, biggest encourager, and biggest ambassador 24/7.
  • We made up little rules, such as: when we signed our marriage certificate, we signed a contract to flirt with and hit on each other for life; or, whenever one of us was home and the other had just gotten back from work or errands, we would always greet each other with arms up at the top of the stairs while the other would run up the stairs and give immediate hugs.
  • We found the little things to brighten each other’s day, and always sent memes to each other, and texted how much we missed the other person.
  • We made spending time with each other our number one priority. We rarely went out for dates, but we always made sure to talk to each other, watch something, or play a game.
  • We genuinely cared about and asked daily how each other’s day had been, how they were doing, and if they felt and knew how much they were loved and appreciated. 
You can watch a video we recorded together of us playing the wonderfully insulting Human Fall Flat game here: https://youtu.be/a60bkcRmxR4
  • After our first year dating, we spent three more in a long distance relationship with each other before getting engaged. Many people said it wouldn’t work, but in that time, we were able to build critical communication skills that made our relationship go further than just the surface level.
  • His pain was my pain; and my pain was his. Whether because we were just so closely connected that we physically felt the other’s pain, or if we had slight empath tendencies; if one of us was in pain, the other physically hurt or felt off too.
  • We noticed each other’s little nuisances and tendencies, and made each other feel seen by taking those into consideration. For example, I never liked using the big forks or spoons, only the small ones; so if Jacob made dinner, he would always give me a little fork. With Jacob being lactose intolerant (and the pills not working well for him), I had an emergency reserve of dairy free chocolate chips hidden, so that if he ever felt tempted  to eat dairy while he was out, all he had to do was tell me, and chocolate chips and/or dairy free ice cream would be waiting for him when he got home.
  • We had dorky nicknames for each other-as any couple does-but ours sprang from when we were engaged and Jacob couldn’t spell “fiancé,” so instead, he called me his “fancy.” Added to that, while we were in college, we had the nickname of the panda couple, as we wore all black, chains, and spiked bracelets (I could even crack hard boiled eggs on mine), and quite frankly, looked like we never spent any time outdoors in our lives. Thus, the Fancy Panda nickname ensued, along with a panda hoodie, panda lamp, just panda panda panda.
  • Snuggle. Just snuggle all the time. In the summer though, that air conditioner had better be on.
  • We got into arguments almost daily. And no, not the kind you’re likely thinking. Our arguments consisted of “I love you more,” “No, I love YOU more,” “No, I love you MOAR.” 

Most importantly though, we valued each other and would let nothing stand in the way of our relationship with each other. If one of us needed to talk and it was not the best time for the other; it didn’t matter. We made the time then and there, and whether advice was needed, talking things out, brainstorming, or just sitting in silence to listen, we made it happen.

We moved into a tiny 650ish square foot apartment three days before we got married (please, do NOT do that! Way too stressful!), and we were told by countless people that we would get frustrated with each other, just want our own space. I can honestly say that in the three years we lived there, we never got on each other’s nerves. All we ever wanted was to be close to each other.

I’ve seen a lot of joking memes lately about working in close proximity with your spouse while self quarantining with COVID-19, and I wanted to say don’t take things for granted. Sure, you’ll get annoyed with your Significant Other from time to time, but at the end of the day, it’s not you versus them; it’s you and them versus the world.

I hope what I’ve shared might help you grow your relationship with your Significant Other in this difficult time, rather than put a strain on it.

Much Love, KJ 🖤

March 23, 2020

  1. Chris DiPisa

    March 25th, 2020 at 12:41 am

    We love you Kayla, and our hearts grieve with yours. You are daily in our thoughts and prayers <3
    The DiPisa family

  2. Aunt Karyl

    March 25th, 2020 at 12:42 am

    This is a beautiful way to share just how special Jakob was in your life. I’m sorry for the pain and heartache you have to now endure, but I’m thankful that the time you had was so rich in true love.

  3. Marian

    March 25th, 2020 at 12:44 am

    Such a beautiful love story!
    Ty for sharing this…so tender,
    transparent, and endearing.

    I love u and am praying for u!

    Love.
    Marian Frankenhauser

  4. Lugenia Fowler

    March 25th, 2020 at 12:44 am

    What a lovely story…you were such a sweet couple….so sorry it ended so early. Yours should have been a lifetime love..I am so sorry for your loss…

  5. Vanessa

    March 25th, 2020 at 12:49 am

    This is beautifully written and your love shines through. wishing you all the best in this difficult time.

  6. Kris Stoddard

    March 25th, 2020 at 1:06 am

    Kayla this was absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing. ❤️

  7. David Moore

    March 25th, 2020 at 1:06 am

    Kayla your love for Jacob is beautiful beyond words. Thank you for sharing it with us as we are praying for your shredded heart to begin to heal. Please let us know what we can do in the days and months ahead because you are so very dear to us all , you truly are a very special and wonderful person, and we love you dearly.

  8. Val

    March 25th, 2020 at 1:15 am

    Beautifully written, thank you for sharing this with all of us.
    Praying for you,

  9. Sarah Placide

    March 25th, 2020 at 1:37 am

    This is so beautiful…you are so incredibly loved! We are praying for healing and comfort.

  10. Kim Tremblay

    March 25th, 2020 at 2:01 am

    What a beautiful love story! I’m so happy that mom and I had the privilege to witness first hand your love when you exchanged your wedding vows! It was a beautiful ceremony and lovely reception.

    Keep those great moments in your heart. Jacob will always be by your side helping you through these dark days. He can help guide you to the light once again.

    Sending love and hugs!
    Kim Tremblay and Joan

  11. Alesha M.

    March 25th, 2020 at 2:12 am

    Wow, a short yet significant glimpse into a beautiful marriage. Your memories with Jacob are so pure! Thank you for sharing the sweet, the intimate, and the painful. Your openness to share during this sensitive time in your life is inspiring.

  12. Brigida

    March 25th, 2020 at 2:33 am

    Thanks for the sweet advice!
    I’ve been praying. You’re so precious.

  13. Maureen Love

    March 25th, 2020 at 4:03 am

    Kayla❤️ So beautifully written. Thank you for sharing your love story with us. I was so broken-hearted when I heard the news. You are so special to me- always have been. Now I feel like I know Jacob a bit better by what you have shared & how much you loved each other. Your pain is real and the grieving is raw. I’m so proud of you for sharing this post. We have hear it said that there is no wasted pain. I believe it. Your story is d as pressured ministering to me & having an effect on my life. I am being taught by you in your suffering. I love the pact you made about only edifying each other. Thank you for the prompting to not let critical words become a habit. Speak only words of life. I needed that right now. Sometimes fear can cause us to lash out in the one we love most. I have been quickened by your words. I am your long distance friend. It has been too long since we have talked. I’m here. I will be here today & tomorrow & next year for you. Call or write me & I will do the same. I’m not on Fb just hijacking Rebecca’s for this post. Email me, text me, call me. 443-824-4419

  14. Dora Szucs

    March 25th, 2020 at 7:55 am

    Dear Kayla,

    You are amazing and strong. These words paint such a beautiful picture of your love with Jacob. I am so sorry for your loss. I am praying and thinking of you.

    Much love

  15. Carolynn Peters

    March 25th, 2020 at 8:32 am

    Kayla, I remember the seeds of this relationship budding in the camp-life crafts room. Praying for you, lifting you up. Love that place you created in the above description. You are loved,

  16. Diane dobbs

    March 25th, 2020 at 9:52 am

    Love you sweetie, I am here anytime for a bowl of soup and a listening ear. 😘🍜🍪

  17. Brittany H.

    March 25th, 2020 at 11:08 am

    With great love comes great loss. But thanks to your intimate writing we also see now that there also comes great light. Thank you for sharing this precious glimpse into your beautiful and rare love story. It’s truly inspiring and moving. Hoping that you feel how covered and lifted up in prayer and love you are as you learn to navigate these days.

  18. PCoop

    March 25th, 2020 at 1:31 pm

    ❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏love and prayers sweetheart…trusting God’s faithfulness to carry you through…lots of unseen love and prayers

  19. Charleen Grabowski

    March 25th, 2020 at 10:29 pm

    Your words melt my heart. I love what you’ve written and I’m thankful that you’ve shared it with all of us.

    I can’t imagine your pain.
    I’ve been praying for you Kayla.

    *hugs*

    Love,
    Charleen 💙

  20. Rose

    March 27th, 2020 at 10:40 pm

    Thank you for sharing such beauty and love. I am moved beyond words.

  21. Deb (Asbrand) DiMatteo

    March 31st, 2020 at 8:12 pm

    I have also lost my soul mate to death. Nothing is ever the same and the emptyness lingers. The first year is very hard, I will not lie. You must go through it. I know you have much family support and many loving friends I can tell by the sweet words back at you. But nothing replaces your lover. Run to God, pour out your heart to him because he knows what is best. He loves you more than Jacob did.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Photography by kj
Frozen In Time